New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
