I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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