She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
