brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I am one with the molecules
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
