Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I enjoy the company of your penis
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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