my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize
