the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
