New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
