Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Randomize
