i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Randomize
