I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
