Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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