She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Randomize
