Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Randomize
