I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
