The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Randomize