that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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