found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
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