i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Randomize
