I just threw up on my dentist
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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