4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Randomize
