I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
