A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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