is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
