I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize