Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
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long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
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