I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
