After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize
