at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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