Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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