i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
