Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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