Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
it was like eating out sand paper
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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