How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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