margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
