I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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