Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Watching her eat just hurts me
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
