I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
