There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Randomize
