just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Randomize
