At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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