so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize