oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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