I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
