i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
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