I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
