I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize