We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Randomize
