had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
