Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Randomize