Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
