When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Randomize
