I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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