Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
