Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
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