so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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