Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Randomize
