why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Randomize
