u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
You can't motorboat a personality
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
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