this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
