Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
