Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize
