Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
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