Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I intend to get homeless drunk
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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