Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Randomize
